For the men…some thoughts on how to not judge a book by its cover :-)

I admit, it’s a bit of a soapbox, this topic of not judging one another by externals.  And with the title of this post, I am not suggesting for a moment that it’s just men who are prone to passing judgment on women based on their appearance.  Women are equally as prone to judging men based on things like their job, bank balance or ‘power’.  We’re all prone to it.  Because we’re all human, and it’s human nature to judge.  And sometimes that’s not a bad thing.  The healthy form of judgment, which I would call discernment, well, it keeps us from a great deal of harm.  I do wish sometimes that I had exercised more discernment at different times over the years.

So anyway, back to men and how not to judge a book by its cover, so to speak.  And by that I’m not just saying don’t dismiss the ‘plain’ girls (personally, I dislike the categorisation of any girl as ‘plain’, I believe that every girl is beautiful).  I’m also saying, please don’t dismiss the girls who you would classify as those at the other end of the spectrum – you know, those ones who you automatically dismiss as ‘out of your league’.

Have you ever noticed that you don’t really see those girls you judge as ‘seriously out of my league’ surrounded by guys?  Have you ever wondered why?  It’s because you – and most other guys like you who are orbiting around her, maybe studiously (or even genuinely) ignoring her – you’ve dismissed her as a non-starter and you’re therefore not talking to her!  Seriously guys, you do the math.  Your chances are better than you might think.  Chances are that she’s feeling invisible as a result of the complete lack of any overt male attention.  So a guy who will actually talk to her, he will probably really make an impression.  And he who dares wins, right?  Well that’s my theory anyway 🙂

And guys, I know, yes I know, I’ve been told many many many many times over the years by many a married galpal, that you men, you’re ‘visual creatures’.  That there has to be some kind of physical attraction. And that we women just need to accept that.

So we do.  Or we try very hard to. We try to accept that you are visual creatures and that’s just part of how you ‘evaluate’ us.  And by and large, we do generally make an effort to make the best of whatever God has given us to work with on that whole ‘looks’ front.

And in return, we ask – appreciate our externals by all means, but please, if you’re going to fall in love with any part of us, please, fall in love with our character, with our hearts.  That’s the part of us that will stand the test of time.

This tweet from a few months ago pretty much sums it up methinks…it’s just my 2 cents.  But you know, 2 cents is still 2 cents 🙂

“Men, fall for a pretty heart, not a pretty face. And if God does bring you a pretty-faced woman, please don’t do her the injustice of presuming that her heart isn’t pretty as well.”

4 thoughts on “For the men…some thoughts on how to not judge a book by its cover :-)

  1. The Lord spoke to me once, about what it is that guys really “fall in love” with. He said that they “fall in love” with the heart.

    So I take it they “fall in lust” with a body or whatever it is that they think they like. ( their mind, or their ability if not the body.) but that is not the same thing as the genuinely “falling in love”.

    When they genuinely “fall in love” my experience is that they really couldn’t care about the rest if that happens. Men are fact based after all, and if you are what they want,( ie you make them feel good about themselves probably) then nothing is going to change that!


    • I’m not sure what to make of all that, given that I am 41 years old, never married, and have failed to capture the genuine interest of any man as far as I can tell. If we take what you are saying as fact, then I am sorry to say my dear, that this is a massive indictment on me as a woman. Does all this mean that I do not posses a heart worth loving, or that I am not what any man would really want?


      • Glo, darling.. you have one of the most amazing hearts I have ever had the honor to know ( In all my long and hard 21 years..haha). And on top of that the external beauty of a super-model ( taking note that it is very rare to find an exotic beauty such as yours on this side of the world, you fantastic fruit salad you), and I’m not being nice, just honest, beating around the bush isnt my style (lol). So lets scrub out any ideas that your heart is not worth loving or not what a man would really want, coz in fact you are! Your the biggest and greatest CATCH I know, You are so buried in God that a man needs to go through him to get to you. And I am excited for the day a champoin in christ is brave enough and honorable enough to pursue and win you. Anyway il leave the rest for our personal; chats i could go on and on.


      • Omigosh you are like my very own personal one-woman cheerleading squad! Such a sweetheart you are, thank you 🙂

        You are right, I think it’s best to dismiss those ideas of anyone being unlovable for the silliness that such an idea is – and certainly that’s not anywhere near what my belovedest galpal Lynda meant at all!


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