The daunting challenge of hearing God above the din of the world around us

Notwithstanding any outward appearance to the contrary, my reality is that I live in a world that, and I have lived a life which, seems to scream to me – at every turn of a friend’s apparently innocent comment that sends my self-esteem through the floor, and with every twist of broken trust from quarters many and varied – that I am stupid, ugly, worthless, unlovable and repulsive.

It’s really, really, really hard work trying to reconcile that with how God says He sees me, and to get my head and heart around this outrageous idea that He could even remotely love a wretch like me as much as He seems to insist that He does.  When all about me seems to insist quite the reverse.

I want to believe it. I really do. Deep in my heart of hearts I know.  I do know.  I know God is faithful and true and I’m as desperate for Him now as I was almost 22 years ago when I came back to Him.

But all this yucky life stuff seems to get in the way and tries to convince me that my suspicions of my own worthlessness are not unfounded.  To play upon my  deepest fear that I am somehow out of the reach of God’s love, even as God says that nothing can separate any of us from His love.

Such thinking is of course at once both the height of arrogance (presuming to be above God’s power to reach me when He clearly states the opposite) and a shameful abyss of self-absorption (looking inside myself for answers – which I clearly do not have in my own wisdom – and not to the God who made me, knows me better than I know myself and apparently loves me more than I can begin to fathom).

Such is the lot in life of a painfully sensitive soul trapped in the body of an apparently strong independent individual.

I wonder, would it be easier to believe that God loves me if I had a simpler, less complex, less introspective, less fragile mind?

Oh for a simpler mind.  And ears to hear God’s Word above the destructive din of the world around me.

I’m sure, quite sure, that God has allowed such experiences and made me acutely aware of my many frailties for a reason.  In spite of all that seems to hold me back today, I must believe that God can take the experiences and learnings – both joyful and painful – and use them for good some time before I die.

This can’t all be for nothing.  It just can’t. I won’t let it.

4 thoughts on “The daunting challenge of hearing God above the din of the world around us

  1. You are certainly not alone. Most people have fears and insecurities about themselves. This world constantly tries to make us feel bad about ourselves. For most of my life I used to believe that I was stupid, ugly and worthless. I looked at life with a negative perspective and hated myself. I never believed that God could love such a miserable person. Then a few years ago, I started watching Joyce Meyer on TV, reading her books and listening to her tapes and she has been an inspiration to me ever since. If you have never seen her, she is an amazing Christian leader who has been through tremendous struggles in her life and also felt like she was worthless. Then I connected with a church that is filled with broken, imperfect people who are passionate followers of Jesus and now I’m teaching a life group using Joyce Meyer materials. I also try to help people build their esteem through workshops and confidence coaching. My life has gone from miserable to amazing because I know that God loves me despite my flaws and imperfections and I actually like myself now. In his sight, I am his valuable child and he created me. The world will keep telling you that you do not have any value and that you should be perfect in order to be loved, but this is a lie. We all make mistakes but this is because we are human and not perfect, but we just need to keep trying to become more like Him. If I doubt my value, it means that I doubt him and God does not create junk. God loves all of us, even His most broken and sinful child. Don’t ever give up on yourself and keep believing in God!

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  2. I have to echo the comment above, Glo. I have been reading some of Joyce Meyer’s books (especially The Confident Woman, which I recommend highly, and currently How to Hear From God) and she is really very, VERY good. I have learnt so much from her and I am thinking so much differently. I have also just ordered “Battlefield of the Mind” and would definitely recommend it to you, too. 🙂

    By the way Glo, you are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. You are not only beautiful on the outside but also on the inside. I love your last line, “I won’t let it”. God puts us through things that do not seem pleasant at the time but always uses it for good. I’m learning that now, truly. God is so good! Keep trusting in Him. Can’t wait to see you in Dec. 🙂

    x Renee

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